


Desmond Eats A Tide Pod

by Potato (nerdclubcosplay)



Series: Desmond Does Things [2]
Category: Assassin's Creed - All Media Types
Genre: (But you will if you eat a Tide Pod), Assassin's Creed - Freeform, Assassin's Creed 2 - Freeform, Assassin's Creed 3, Assassin's Creed crack, Crack, DON'T EAT THE PODS, DON'T EAT TIDE PODS, Desmond is an idjit, Don't eat the McFreaking Tide Pods, Don't. Eat. Tide. Pods., Other, Random - Freeform, Short, The real way Desmond died, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Tide Pod-y death, Tide Pods, Worth It, absolute crack, desmond doesn't die, pls, this is a joke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-27 11:38:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13880073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdclubcosplay/pseuds/Potato
Summary: Desmond can't resist the succulent curves of a Tide Pod.





	Desmond Eats A Tide Pod

**Author's Note:**

> DO NOT EAT TIDE PODS
> 
> Let me say it again for the people in the back...  
> DO NOT EAT TIDE PODS

     It was Desmond’s turn to do laundry, and of _course_ Shaun just _had_ to buy Tide Pods. He stared intently at the mess in the laundry room, trying to focus on the task at hand. However, his attempt to ignore the succulent forbidden fruits just out of his line of sight was failing. He craved the sinful pop.

     He picked up Shaun’s white button-ups and tossed them in the machine, then removed his own hoodie and threw it in as well. Lucy’s tank tops followed soon after. Desmond knew he’d have to face the pods eventually.

     The few white shirts Desmond owned went into the machine, and far too soon, there was nothing left to be thrown in. Desmond looked around for other kinds of detergent, but there was nothing. He was alone with the Tide Pods.

     Trembling, Desmond reached out for the beautiful poison, clutching a single pod in his hand. He forced himself towards the machine and opened the door again. He had already done everything else he could possibly do with the laundry; he’d even pre-treated ancient bloodstains that were hardly visible on the shirt Lucy wore while they were escaping from Abstergo. It was now or never.

     Desmond took a deep breath and prepared to throw the pod into the laundry…

     “Goddammit!”

     Desmond greedily pushed the Tide Pod into his mouth. It popped and spilled sticky detergent out onto his tongue. He hated the taste, but it was so satisfying that he ate another one, and then another one, and yet another one. Soon, he was on the floor with soap bubbles pouring out of his mouth.

     Shaun walked in at that very moment and stared a minute at the idjit on the laundry room floor. He sighed and crouched down next to Desmond.

     “You ate the pods, didn’t you?”

**Author's Note:**

> don't eat tide pods pls


End file.
